I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
