Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't notice because vodka
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk is not a location!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
