Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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