she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The uberlube is also flammable
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
