Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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