i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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