i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
