Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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