she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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