hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
