You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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