My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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