omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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