That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
