I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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