Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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