I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
