even my farts smell like vagina
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize