Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
