Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wish there were birth control emojis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
