I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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