don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Damn victory sex feels great
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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