I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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