hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
