I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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