My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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