Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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