I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize