Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?