The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight