I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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