i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?