so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room