Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.