He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.