haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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