i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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