i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
