I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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