Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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