I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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