What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
