I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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