dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
