Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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