I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
