We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
