I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize