You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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