Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize