I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
