I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
