Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
