spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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