i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He told me they were just razor bumps!
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.