I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me