does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport