i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.