You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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