Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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