so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
