I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
