so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
