brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
