We're facebook friends in real life
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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