I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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