there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
