I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
