I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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